Juno MacGuff: I'm pregnant.
Paulie Bleeker: What should we do?
Juno MacGuff: Well, I should just... I was thinking I'd just nip it in the bud before it gets worse. Because they were talking about in health class how pregnancy... It can often lead to an infant.
Paulie Bleeker: Typically, yeah...

Ultrasound Technician: Well, there it is. Would you like to know the sex of your baby?
Leah: Yes!
Juno MacGuff: No!
Leah: Pllleease!
Juno MacGuff: No, there will be no sex!
Ultrasound Technician: Plan to be suprised when you deliver?
Juno MacGuff: Well, no, but I want Mark and Vanessa to be suprised and if you tell me I'll just ruin it.
Ultrasound Technician: Are Mark and Vanessa your friends from school?
Juno MacGuff: No, they're the adoptive parents.
Ultrasound Technician: Oh, well thank goodness for that!
Bren: What's that supposed to mean?
Ultrasound Technician: Well I've been doing this for along time and I've seen a lot of teenagers come through here and it's obviously a very poisonous environment.
Juno MacGuff: How do you know I'm so poisonous?
Bren: They could be utterly incompetent. Theres no guarantee they'll do a better job raising this child than my dumbass step-daughter will... What is your job title?
Ultrasound Technician: I'm an ultrasound technician.
Bren: Oh yeah? Well I'm a nail technician and I think we both ought to just stick to what we know.
Ultrasound Technician: Excuse me?
Bren: Oh, you think you're hot shit 'cause you get to sit over there and play Pictionary, well guess what? My five year old daughter could do that and let me tell you, she's not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. So until you have your own kid, why don't you just go back to nightschool in Manteno and get a real job.
Juno MacGuff: ...Whoa Bren! You's a dick! I love it!

Juno MacGuff: Ow, ow, fuckity-ow! Bren, when do I get that spinal tap thing?
Bren: It's called a spinal block. And you can't have it yet, honey. The doctor said you're not dilated enough.
Juno MacGuff: You mean I have to wait for it to get worse? Why can't they just give it to me now?
Bren: Well, honey, doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream... [Juno lets out painful scream, Brenda checks her watch]
Bren: Shit. Hey, can we get my kid the damn spinal tap already?

Mac MacGuff: Liberty Bell, if you put one more Baco on that potato, I'm gonna kick your little monkey butt.

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