es akkor

készítettem magamnak egy forró teát és mikor feljöttem gondoltam jól esne ezt valahogy így leírni...

ma este kicsit olyan érzésem volt, mintha lázam lenne, ezért úgy döntöttem igazán lefeküdhetek korán. valójában tegnap este is így voltam valahogy, 9től 10ig aludtam, de felkeltem, felöltöztem, és elmentünk buliba :) és teljesen elmúlt az a láz érzés, nagyon jól szórakoztam, ez egyszer táncoltunk is végre! s képzeld egy indiai fiúval táncoltam salsa-t! hahaha... nagyon szeretem ha forgatnak :) s hát ma is úgy elővett a láz érzés, hogy kicsit ráz a hideg de belül forrónak érzem magam, és 10kor lefeküdtem. nem aludtam valami jól, ha egyáltalán aludtam, ja! csak azért tudom, hogy valamennyit aludtam, mert azt álmodtam, hogy Roxi bekopog és megmondom neki hogy lehet kicsit beteg vagyok és be jól esne egy forró tea... és reméltem, hogy megesik rajtam a szíve, és valóban hozott nekem álmomban teát és volt kekszem is az asztalon. és éjfélkor felnéztem az órámra, és elgondolkoztam, hogy furcsa, hogy nem alszom... mert én általában úgy alszom, mint akit leütöttek. mondjuk az is igaz, hogy tegnap hajnali 6kor feküdtem le, mert ugye előre is vittük az órát és fél 6kor értünk haza a buliból - az is érdekes volt, hajnalban mind a 6an egyenest a konyhába mentünk, valamit inni megmi :) és persze utána egy órakor keltem fel. tehát érthető lehet, hogy nemigen akaródzik, hogy elaludjak. de általában nem akadály ha egykor kelek, hogy 10kor lefeküdjek. namindegy, éjfél után megint próbáltam aludni, nem tudom mennyire sikerült, de 2kor megint ránéztem az órára s úgy döntöttem, ez nem megy. mert közben énekeltem a fejemben, többek között az új népdalt, aminek a szövegét Bori elküldte pár órával korábban. kicsit felkeltem az ágyból, kinyitottam az ablakot, hátha egy kis friss levegő jót tesz s felnéztem a csillagokra. nagyon tetszenek a csillagok, hát rájuk mosolyogtam egyet.

és akkor rámkacsintott az ég
- láttam egy hulló csillagot :)



and then


made some hot tea and when I got back I thought it would feel good to write this down somehow like this...

this evening I had a bit a feeling like I had a fever, so I decided to go to bed early. actually yesterday I felt somewhat similar, I slept from 9 to 10, but I woke up, got dressed and we went to a party :) and the fever feeling disappeared, I had a great time, this time we even danced, finally! and I danced salsa with an Indian boy! hahaha... I really like it if somebody spins me around :) and today I was feeling like having a fever again, like some chills and hot on the inside, so I went to bed at 10. I didn't sleep that well, if I did at all. oh! I only know I slept a bit because I dreamt Roxi knocked on my door and I told her I was a bit ill and I'd love some hot tea... and I hoped she would feel sorry for me, and she really brought me tea in my dream and I also had biscuits on my table. so at midnight I looked at the time and I thought it's weird that I'm not sleeping... because I usually sleep like a baby. well it's true that yesterday I went to sleep at 6 in the morning, because we changed to daylight saving time and got home from the party at half to 6 – that was interesting, too, all 6 of us went straight to the kitchen in the morning to drink something and all :) of course afterwards I woke up at one o'clock. so it's understandable that I didn't really feel like sleeping. but it usually doesn't bother me if I wake up at one I can go to sleep at 10. anyway, after midnight I tried to sleep again, don't know how that went, but at 2 o'clock I looked at the time again and I decided it's not working. because I was also singing in my head, amongst others the new traditional song to which Bori sent me the lyrics few hours earlier. I got out of bed a bit, opened the window, thinking some fresh air might do me some good and I looked up at the stars. I like the stars a lot, so I smiled at them.

and then the sky winked at me – I saw a shooting star :)

şi atunci



mi-am făcut un ceai fierbinte şi când m-am întors m-am gândit c-ar fi bine să scriu asta cam aşa...

astă seară mă simţeam un pic de parcă aş fi avut febră, deci m-am decis să mă culc mai devreme. de fapt şi ieri seara eram cam aşa, am dormit de la 9 la 10, apoi m-am trezit, m-am îmbrăcat şi ne-am dus la o petrecere :) şi senzaţia de febră a trecut de tot, m-am distrat mult, de data asta am şi dansat, in sfârşit! şi imaginează-ţi c-am dansat salsa cu un băiat indian! hahaha... îmi place foarte mult dacă mă învârte cineva :) şi azi la fel m-a luat senzaţia asta de febră, am nişte frisoane dar înăuntru mă simt fierbinte, şi m-am culcat la 10. n-am dormit prea bine, dac-am dormit, de fapt ştiu c-am dormit doar fiindcă am visat că Roxi bate la uşă şi eu îi spun că poate sunt un pic bolnavă şi vai ce bine mi-ar face un ceai fierbinte... şi speram să i se facă milă de mine, şi într-adevăr mi-a adus un ceai în vis şi aveam şi nişte biscuiţi pe masă. la miezul nopţii m-am uitat la ceas şi m-am gândit că e cam ciudat că nu dorm... că de obicei dorm ca un buştean. dar sinceră să fiu, ieri m-am culcat la 6 dimineaţa, că ştii am dat ceasul înainte şi am ajuns acasă de la petrecere la 5 jumate, şi faza aia a fost interesantă, când în zori toţi 6 ne-am dus în bucătărie să bem ceva şi chestii :) şi desigur m-am trezit la unu, deci pot să înţeleg că nu prea mi-e chef să adorm. dar de obicei dacă mă trezesc la unu asta nu mă opreşte să mă culc la 10. oricum, după miezul nopţii am încercat iar s-adorm, nu ştiu cât mi-a reuşit, dar la 2 m-am uitat iar la ceas şi m-am decis că asta nu merge. fiindcă între timp mai şi cântam în cap, printre altele noul cântec popular al cărui text mi l-a trimis Bori în urmă cu câteva ore. m-am trezit un pic din pat, am deschis geamul, să iau nişte aer proaspăt şi m-am uitat la stele. îmi plac foarte mult stelele, le-am zâmbit un pic.

şi atunci cerul mi-a făcut cu ochiul - am văzut o stea căzătoare :)

both

I feel BOTH

that this is just one possibility AND that it's the only one

weak AND strong

that I want to give up AND that I want to fight

repulsed AND attracted

that we're all strangers AND that we can connect in amazing ways

uncertain AND confident


nothing is absolutely white or black

all is but a mixture of colours

a mixture of feelings and thoughts

some of them grow stronger while others fade

we can say it's our choice AND that it was meant to be



:)

birds





I've got a bunch of thoughts in my head, all at the same time. I love it. It's a bit annoying 'cause in order to express them, write them down, I need to take them one after the other. Can't express them at the same time.

Lately I go to sleep very late. Because I can afford to wake up late, cause if you didn't know, there's a strike at Universities in France. Here in Lorient there's been no movement for 2 weeks. Well there has, a few students have blocked all entrances to the buildings of the Uni, they even sleep there, it's like a real revolution. And they enjoy it. At first I was looking at them curious that they're so persistent, confident, when they want something, they believe in it and they start a revolution, they're not kidding. Like a month ago they started organizing big assemblies and voting about what they wanted to do. And demonstrations and all. It's a bit funny, because I heard that not many people went to those. But there are, as I said, a few students who take part very actively in this stuff. But the majority are having fun, they're like on a holiday, like me. Well I'm allowed to, cause I don't have any serious reason to go on a strike here, it's not my fight. Maybe I could support them, but if I look at it, this whole thing isn't helping me at all. I respect their goals, it doesn't bother me (yet) but in theory I came here to learn, not on holiday. But for now I'm very fine with it. Yet if they don't stop soon... let me just say I can't afford it to stay here in case the semester was prolonged. But I hope it won't be the case. By the way most of the foreign students are a bit laughing about the situation. Because it seems like the French just want to laze around! So you find out that some stereotypes are real, the French go on strikes often. That's the way they are, what can you do. Partly you can learn from it, look up to them, because they don't give up that easily, they're persistent. But after a while it's just funny. Especially if the government doesn't even notice. And anyway, they're exaggerating.

The other thing. Every day I put off the need to go to the supermarket. And even when I go, I buy the cheapest stuff, literally the cheapest bread, the cheapest apples. For example today I really wanted to buy (eat) some chocolate. But I said to myself, I've got enough food to cook tomorrow, I've got apples, I really don't need to go to the supermarket. I'll go on Monday anyway. And so I put off spending money. The fewer times I go to the temple of spending, the less I spend. And even when I'm there, I focus only on the things I need to buy. And I think about it a few times, whether I really need this...? Cause sometimes I get the feeling that I buy stuff that I don't really need. So I manage to go past the sweets shelf quite often, telling myself that I don't need this. Unfortunately when I go down into the kitchen here at home and I need to chew something, I regret very much that I didn't buy a bunch of junk food. Still I buy enough anyway.

I didn't want to write about the strike at all.
Neither about my financial situation.
It has nothing to do with this.
I wanted to write that when I'm up at night, I can hear a bunch of little birds.
They're singing.
And it feels very very good, I smile :)
And I thought, these little ones must be having quite a bit of fun, at least if I like to sing, I guess they do as well.
But I wonder why are they singing...?
And when do these birds sleep?
Hehehe... and there's a wide smile on my face :)

madarak



Csomó gondolat van a fejemben, egyszerre. S úgy élvezem. Kicsit idegesítő, hogy ahhoz, hogy kifejezzem, leírjam, egymás után kell vegyem. Nem lehet egyszerre.

Az utóbbi időben nagyon nagyon későn fekszem le. Nem egyébért, de sztrájk van Franciaországban az egyetemeken, ha nem tudtátok volna, szóval megengedhetem magamnak, hogy későn is keljek fel. Itt Lorientben két hete nincs mozgás. Azaz van, egy kis adag egyetemista nagyon kitartóan elzárta az egyetem épületeinek a bejáratát, ott alsznak, meg minden, olyan mint egy igazi forradalom. És nagyon élvezik. Eleinte kíváncsian néztem, hogy ezek az emberek mennyire kitartóak, magabiztosak, hogy ha valamit el akarnak érni, hisznek benne és nekiállnak és forradalmat csinálnak, nem vicc. Vagyis egy hónappal ezelőtt kezdtek nagy gyűléseket csinálni és szavazni, hogy mit akarnak tenni. És felvonulni meg minden. Kicsit röhejes, mert úgy hallottam hogy nem nagyon sokan mentek el a felvonulásra. De van mondom egy adag egyetemista aki nagyon aktívan részt vesz az egészben. De a többség szórakozik, vakációzik, akárcsak én. Nekem mondjuk szabad, nincs semmi komoly okom, amiért részt kéne vegyek a sztájkon vagymi, mert nem az én harcom. Lehet kitarthatnék mellettük megmi, de valójában nekem nem segít ez az egész, ha objektíven nézem. Tisztelem a céljaikat, nem zavar (egyelőre) de én elméletileg azért jöttem ide, hogy tanuljak, nem hogy vakációzzak. De perpillanat nagyon megfelel. Viszont ha nem fejezik be hamarosan... mondjam úgy, hogy nem engedhetem meg magamnak hogy itt maradjak, ha esetleg kitolódik a félév hossza. De remélem nem fog ez bekövetkezni. Amúgy a külföldi egyetemisták nagy része kicsit röhög az egészen. Mert úgy néz ki mintha a franciák csak lustulni akarnának! Szal ilyenkor kiderül hogy bizonyos sztereotípusok valósak, a franciák sokat sztrájkolnak. Ilyenek ők, mit csinálj. Részben tanulni lehet belőle, felnézni rájuk, mert nem hagyják magukat olyan könnyen, kitartóak. De azért egy idő után nagyon röhejes. Főleg hogy a kormány számba se veszi őket. S egyáltalán, túlzásba viszik.

Másik dolog. Minden nap halasztom azt, hogy boltba menjek. És ha elmegyek, a legolcsóbb dolgokat veszem, szó szerint a legolcsóbb kenyeret, a legolcsóbb almát. Például ma nagyon nagyon lett volna kedvem csokit (v)enni. De azt mondtam magamban, van amit főzzek holnap, van almám, igazán nincs szükségem boltba menni. Megyek majd úgyis hétfőn. S így elhalasztom a pénz költését. Minél ritkábban megyek a pénzköltés templomába, annál kevesebbet költök. És mikor ott vagyok, akkor is csak egyenest arra koncentrálok, amit meg kell vegyek. És párszor meggondolom, hogy biztos kell-e nekem ez a...? Me' néha az az érzésem, olyan cuccot veszek ami nem kell igazán. Tehát gyakran sikerül elmenni az édességes polc mellett és azt mondani magamnak, hogy ez nem kell nekem. Viszont sajnos mikor itthon lemegyek a konyhába és rágcsálhatnék vagyok, erőst megbánom hogy nem vettem csomó marhaságot. De azért veszek eleget.

Abszolút nem a sztrájkról akartam írni.
Sem az anyagi helyzetemről.
Semmi köze.
Hanem arról, hogy éjjel, mivel ébren vagyok, csomó madárkát hallok.
Énekelnek.
Nagyon, nagyon jól esik, mosolygok :)
És eszembe jutott, hogy ezek jól szórakoznak, én legalábbis szeretek énekelni, gondolom ők is.
De miért énekelnek vajon...?
S ezek mikor alusznak?
Hehehe... S vigyorgok nagyon. :)

look out the window

the sky is so still
a ship drifting towards the port
just as I dreamed
there is but one star
no, there's two, and three
and bright clouds
the ship is twinkling
just as I dreamed

biztató gondolatok


csodálatos boldogulni egyedül (de nem vagyok soha egyedül)
és igazán megismerni, milyen más egyebütt
annál jobban szeretni otthon
igazán értékelni, hogy mi a jó (itt is, ott is)

nem szabad félni
mert ha valami nehéz, vagy furcsa
megoldod
úgysem mindig valósul meg amitől félünk

csakis tőled függ
lehet megváltozol míg kint vagy
nem fog olyan rossz dolognak tűnni, ha nem akarsz hazatérni
teljesen másképp fogod látni a világot
bízol benne, hogy bárhol leélheted az életed, ha szerető embereket találsz
vagy lehetsz nomád
ugyanakkor
lehet hogy éppen azért rájössz, hogy az a legjobb, ha otthon élsz
mindentől függetlenül
hogy olyan jót (család, barátok, közösség) nem tudsz kialakítani egyebütt
(bár ha valamit nagyon akarsz, meg tudod csinálni)
de nem tudod otthagyni őket, velük kell éljél
attól függetlenül hogy máshol jobb az élet, több a mosolygós ember
mindenütt vannak nehézségek is
s jobb az otthoni nehézségekkel szembenézni, mint idegenekkel
azok az emberek kellenek igazán, akik otthon vannak
az ők mosolyuk mindennél drágább

bízni kell magadban
és azt tenni, amit kívánsz

nincs rossz választás

csak mi ítéljük annak,
ha nem tudunk hálásak lenni
azért, amit az életben kaptunk
-------hogy nem volt mindig csak szenvedés
-------hogy felismerjük mi igazán fontos számunkra
és ezentúl annak tudatában élhetünk
nem vagyunk eltévedve vagy céltalanul

nézőpont kérdése
hálás vagy hálátlan:
öröm vagy bánat


encouraging thoughts


it's amazing to manage on your own (but I'm never alone)
and to find out what it's really like in other places
to love it even more at home
to truly cherish what is good (here as well as there)

you shouldn't be afraid
'cause if something is difficult or weird
you'll sort it out
anyway our fears don't come true all the time

it only depends on you
you might change while you're away
it won't seem such a bad thing if you don't want to come back
you'll see the world in a totally different way
you trust that you can live your life anywhere, as long as you find loving people
or you can be a nomad
at the same time
perhaps you'll realize that it's best if you live at home
irrespective of everything
that such good things you can't build anywhere else (family, friends, community)
(though if you really want something, you can do it)
but you can't leave them, you need to live with them
no matter if elsewhere life is better, there are more smiling people
there are difficulties everywhere
and it's better to face them at home, than in strange lands
you truly need the people who are at home
their smile is more dear than anything

you must trust yourself
and do as you want

there is no wrong choice

only we see it that way
if we can't be thankful
for everything we receive in life
-------that it wasn't all but suffering
-------that we recognize what is truly important for us
and we can live on knowing that
we are not lost or without a purpose

depends on the viewpoint
thankful or ungrateful:
joy or sorrow

gânduri încurajatoare


e minunat să te descurci singur (dar nu sunt niciodată singură)
şi să cunoşti cu adevărat cât de diferit e în alte părţi
să iubeşti cu atât mai mult unde eşti acasă
să recunoşti ce e bun (şi aici, şi acolo)

nu trebuie să ne fie teamă
fiindcă dacă ceva e greu sau ciudat
vei rezolva
oricum nu devin realitate toate temerile noastre

depinde numai de tine
se poate că te vei schimba cât eşti afară
nu ţi se va părea un lucru atât de rău că nu vrei să te întorci acasă
vei vedea lumea cu totul altfel
ai încredere că îti poţi trăi viaţa oriunde, dacă găseşti oameni iubitori
sau poţi fi nomad
în acelaşi timp
se poate că tocmai de aceea îţi dai seama că cel mai bine e să trăieşti acasă
indiferent de toate
că nu poţi să dezvolţi altundeva aşa bucurii (familie, prieteni, comunitate)
(deşi dacă vrei ceva cu adevărat, poţi s-o faci)
dar nu-i poţi lăsa acolo, trebuie să trăieşti cu ei
indiferent că viaţa e mai bună altundeva, sunt mai mulţi oameni care zâmbesc
peste tot sunt şi dificultăţi
şi e mai bine să înfunţi dificultăţile de acasă, decât unele străine
acei oameni îţi trebuie cu adevărat, care sunt acasă
zâmbetul lor e mai scump decât orice altceva

trebuie să ai încredere în tine
şi să faci ce îţi doreşti

nu există alegere proastă

doar noi spunem astfel
dacă nu putem să fim recunoscători
pentru ceea ce primim în viaţă
-------că nu a fost numai suferinţă
-------că recunoaştem ce e cu adevărat important pentru noi
şi de acum încolo trăim cunoscând aceste lucruri
nu suntem pierduţi sau fără scop

depinde de punctul de vedere
recunoscător sau nerecunoscător:
bucurie sau tristeţe